Scattered Coherence

i’m so ready to die. i’m just done. the only things i find interesting about life are not things that make ones way in life rational. i like designing and redesigning my gardens. i like investing my money. i like being young skinny rich and fabulous. none of those things get the daily drudge accomplished. i have no idea how real life works. ive never had a car, i only have a drive. ive never paid a bill, i’ve never had a debt. if you werent born with too much money and normal ordinary concerns you don’t know, but it’s not a healthy challenge. one struggles to find a reason to work, searches for struggles, works hard to build ambition and dedication to a cause, craves a hill to climb. but when theres nothing on top of that hill, who wants to go back down it. after climbing so many hills only to see that its more of the same on the other side, crashing into a safety net every singe time..

and when you dont have that safety net any longer, you could be 40 or 50 or 70 and you have NO idea how to contend with life because you’ve never done it.

i dont want to be 70 without a net.